


The Circle Squared

by CherryBlossomMonologues



Series: Monologues Beneath the Cherry Tree [2]
Category: CLAMP - Works, Tokyo Babylon, X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Freeform, M/M, written before there was canon to diverge from
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 13:32:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7936558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryBlossomMonologues/pseuds/CherryBlossomMonologues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I’m closer still to you now.  I hear you whisper, and your voice comes to me on a pink swirl of air.</i>
</p><p>We tried to square the circle.</p><p>
  <i>Did we now? How very cute, Subaru-kun.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Circle Squared

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to [Squaring the Circle](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7668421).
> 
> Written circa 2000.

There’s so much I can’t tell you.  Even now, after the battle at the end of the world has been finished and won.

I see you standing there, Subaru-kun, so close to the cherry tree.  There is a gentle wind, and it ruffles your dark hair like raven’s feathers.  Your eyes are downcast, almost pensive, so you don’t see me.  You grip your hands together and wring them as if they pain you. 

There are many people spending time in Ueno Park today.  A pleasant spring day, warm but not overly so, with a cool breeze to moderate the perceived temperature.  A place full of games, picnics, and afternoon walks.  I doubt anyone notices the tall, too-thin young man dressed carelessly in black and white.  He walks slowly below the boughs of the trees and comes to stop in front of one tree in particular. 

Just another tourist admiring the blossoms.

It knows you stand before it, of course, and the cherry tree’s acknowledgement of your presence only heightens my own awareness of you. 

Strange.  It regards you without animosity.  Perhaps it knows that you will no longer try to steal the souls of the dead from its keeping.  Or, maybe it is just reassured that I am near enough to defend it if necessary.  Either way.

Do you know that the _sakura_ no longer demands your death?  Yes, that’s right.  Once, the tree called for your heart.  Now, when I am near to you, it’s silent. 

Except, sometimes…I think it’s telling me something else.

I wish I could laugh.

Even so, the marks on your hands still call out to me, especially when we are close.  You are the only job I never finished now that my obligations to the Earth have been discharged.

I haven’t seen you since the final battle.  You’ve hidden yourself well.  I knew that you hadn’t left Tokyo after the death of Kamui, but I could not ascertain anymore than that.  Only a faint tugging as those inverted pentagrams, now muffled, scream for their creator.  Even now, the _sakura_ is more certain of your presence than am I.  In a way, though, it’s easier to talk to an image of you than you yourself.  Is that on purpose?

Impressive.  Your powers have grown substantially in the past nine years.

Or, perhaps not.

Perhaps you’ve simply found the strength of heart to use what has always been there.

You’ve always been a powerful youth, and you carry the full inheritance of your clan, the Sumeragi.  Power enough for two people descended from the purest and most direct lineage of that august family, yourself and Hokuto-chan, encapsulated into a single, frail body.  Not surprising, then, that you’ve lacked the will to use it in the past.

Remember that day nine years ago when I drew you into my world?  You would not fight me then, even though you might have defeated me had you sincerely tried.  I watched you cry and cry, not even flinching when I touched you.

So unnatural of you, Subaru-kun, not to defend your life. 

After all, Life strives only to preserve itself.  Why does the heart beat even when it is removed from the body?  When human beings fall unconscious after too much alcohol or an overdose of illegal drugs, what is the body doing but trying to save the foolhardy person?  Why does the grass always grow back after it is mowed?  If they weren’t life-preserving, would eating, drinking, and sexual intercourse be pleasurable?  What are genes, other than tiny bundles of information that encode the processes of Life?

And then, Death takes Life away.  Death hungers for Life, but even if Death were to consume all Life, it would not gain a Life of its own.  The _sakura_ I serve is this way, feeding upon the blood and spirits of humanity for an eternity, unable to achieve the one thing that it truly desires—the chance to reenter the circle of Life and Death. 

I feel my lips curl slightly.  Perhaps, I too longed for Life.  Why else would I have spent a year with you?

It was a pleasant enough life, living with you and your sister.  Companionship and amusement, at the very least.  I kind of liked playing the role of the benevolent older man and charming veterinarian.  It was the road-less-traveled, and for the first time, I saw extended periods of my life through the eyes of others.  I saw what I might have been if I had not claimed the mantle of _Sakurazukamori_ from my mother.

Interesting, definitely.

However, it was a farce, and it had to end, as all fun things must, eventually.  I hadn’t fulfilled my oath with you, either.  Loose ends needed tying, and there was the final battle to consider.  I’m sure you understand.

I’m closer still to you now.  I hear you whisper, and your voice comes to me on a pink swirl of air. 

 _We tried to square the circle_.

Did we now?  How very cute, Subaru-kun. 

Oh, no… _I_ did not err; I devoured Life as is surely within my nature.  _You_ are the one at fault. 

Only polluted Life seeks out Death for comfort.  Tsk, tsk, Subaru-kun…  No wonder the Earth itself screamed for change.  The forces of preservation were not even doing their job. 

Hokuto-chan understood that when she came to me and offered her own life in exchange for yours.  She knew that, unless she died, there would be three deaths—yours, mine, and hers.  My Death would devour your life, and then, as I renounced my connection with Death, the cherry tree would call my spirit back to it forever.  Finally, Hokuto-chan herself would die, if only from the despair of it all.

Really, I should stop.  Things that could have happened but did not are unimportant and immaterial.  Why bother worry about futures that will never come?  Why deceive ourselves?

And, yet, you stand here now.  Who can cleanse your spirit if not your own dearest sister?

Hmm.

I wonder; was it really Death you sought after all?  And was it really a Life I found when I landed myself a day job and two young friends?  Could it be that the embodiment of Life wanted a normal life of his own and that the mystic assassin wanted the oblivion of membership in the banal workforce of Tokyo, Japan Incorporated?  What are the implications of Death seeking death and Life seeking life?  What should happen if the two meet? 

Certainly, they both deny themselves.  They are the same, but unhealthily so.  Two like charges will repel each other in perpetuity.  When both are weak, an outside force may press them together, and, as long as that force remains, they will stay, albeit unwillingly, together.  Despite this, when both are strong, nothing can hold them together for long, and when they force each other away, the strength behind it might be so great as to cause surrounding damage.  However, when two opposite charges meet, they are drawn together.  And not only that.  The electricity we use to light our houses and cook our food relies upon such a principle, and the principle of opposite charges is used to create a single continuous stream of power.  Which is “positive” and which is “negative”?  Does it matter if both charges are present and the battery functions?  Have they not become a single unit, meaningless unless all parts are together?

I cannot think.

Yes.  It’s probably better that you are no longer dependent upon your own desire, anyway.  I, as well.  Together, we are more than the sum of our parts.

In that case, there is no need to separate ourselves as completely as you’ve enforced.  Life needs Death, just as Death needs Life.  We are mere halves of that endless circle, and a circle has no corners, no sides.  There is only a single stroke that goes on forever.  Who can divide the parts when they all merge into one perfect shape?  We are different, yes, but those differences ultimately do not matter.  Thus, in rejecting their importance, there ceases to be any distinction between us.

So, then, what is the point in denying this simple logic?  The will is unnecessary.  Neither can be without the other.

Not forever.

You cannot avoid or wish for Death without a call from him.  Likewise, I cannot live without acknowledging Life itself.  When you hand touches the bark of the _sakura_ , I know—not too close and not too far away, either.  Together and in perfect balance.

I’m so close to you now.  When I inhale, it is the sweet fragrance of your hair that fills my nostrils.  When I reach out to embrace you from behind, you do not pull away.  I draw you deeper into me, and your body, at first stiff and afraid, soon yields to me.  You press your cheek against my shoulder and grasp my hands to press them to your face.  You gasp out my name brokenly as I murmur yours into your ear. 

There is no one to see us.  Just two lovers admiring the blossoms. 

A single drop of moisture falls upon the back of my hand before you pull away from me and flee.

Ah, Subaru-kun.  The circle hasn’t reclaimed us yet, and I’m not quite ready to say my last farewells.

Not in the least.

 

END


End file.
